“Where do I begin… At first I was on-and-off doing any kind of drug that was handed to me. The first drug I ever did was Suboxone. I loved the feeling it gave me and [so I became] somewhat hooked on that. I went doctor shopping and found a doctor to give me Suboxone and I started abusing that for a couple years. At first, I was so scared to try heroin. I swore I would never touch that drug in my life. Well I did. I did a little tiny line and after that, I was hooked.
I have been a heroin addict for a little over a year. At first, I would get high once a week. I wasn’t truly addicted to it [at this point]. I told myself I was fine and I would never get dependent on it. Well I was so wrong. Once a week turned into every single day. Every dollar I got went to heroin. I would steal from my mom, I wouldn’t pay my bills or even get food for the house. My job was getting in my way of getting high, so I quit my job. That is when my life spiraled out of control. My fiance and I got evicted from our house. and we ended up moving into a crappy apartment.
I then got my fiance into doing heroin also. We would spend all of our money on heroin. We never had money for [anything]. I decided this was it — I was done. I put myself into treatment and that lasted 2 weeks. I was back into the game once again. For another 5 months I was back into it more than I’d been before. I ended up getting my tax refund, which was about $6,000. I spent about $2,000 of that on heroin… in 2 weeks!
We bought a brand new TV with our taxes also. When the money was gone within that two weeks, we decided to pawn that brand new TV to get high. Well, [it ended up that] we couldn’t even do that because the screen shattered. Right then was when I stopped and thought to myself, why am I doing this? I just ruined a brand new TV I had for a week… just to get high. I had enough… I had enough of waking up with my first thought [being to get] high, and how I was going to get money to do it. I was sick of being broke and not having any money to do anything, like pay my bills.
I put myself back into treatment and I have been sober since March 13th, 2018. I am doing great! I love life being sober. It’s an amazing feeling. I don’t wake up and worry about getting high and having no money. I had a job interview and I didn’t have to worry about passing a drug test. That is by far the best feeling ever! Today my higher power gave me the hardest test in my recovery yet. I found a bag of heroin in my wallet. I freaked out, I was shaking and my “addict mind” came back, trying to rationalize why it was okay to do that bag. I called a friend and got through it. I had way more to lose than gain from a 30-minute high. I never thought I would have will power to throw that bag of heroin away, but I did. I couldn’t be happier to be in recovery and be clean!“
2 thoughts on “FROM 1 ADDICT 2 ANOTHER: Amanda’s Story”
LJ here. Amanda – your story is beautiful, but tragic, of course. Very raw, very real. Honestly, it’s not all that different from my story, but then again, we addicts are essentially all the same when you get right down to it. It’s just the who, what, when, where, and why that are different.
Thank you! Yes, I believe all of us addicts are very similar when it comes to what we have been through. It’s a hard and tiring life. I hope you are doing well!