ENTRY: Self-Control

I would say there is comfort mentally in knowing that self-control truly is my biggest struggle.  I also think it has been the biggest catalyst for all of my major life problems, such as addiction and apprehension.  I wrote a prayer speaking of just this…

God, I need you
I need you completely
I beg you to show me
To conjure passionate thoughts
Only for you and your will

For I’ve become your physical will.

That rash mentality
Slammed me and dragged me
Through apprehension and addiction
Through bad and good! –
Through all and nothing;
And I became obsessed.

My most powerful strength-
The pursuit of desire
T-boned my saddest weakness
Of one-sided ambition
I finish lost, scared, in pieces.

Surprise me, Lord –
I welcome change.

AMEN.